


Party Girl

by SierraWinchester



Series: Alive!Phantoms AU [1]
Category: Julie and The Phantoms (TV 2020)
Genre: Angst, Drinking, F/M, Found Family, Grief/Mourning, JATP, Jukebox, Julie and the phantoms - Freeform, Julie turns to partying as a coping mechanism, Luke has a brother now, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Rose is dead, Sad, Smoking, Sunset Curve, Underage Drinking, Underage Smoking, Weed, alive!au, alive!phantoms, bobbys a good guy chill out, for plot reasons, juke, slowburn, the boys take care of her, this is how they become family, unbeta’d
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-03
Updated: 2021-03-09
Packaged: 2021-03-16 09:42:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death, Underage
Chapters: 6
Words: 7,073
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29823042
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SierraWinchester/pseuds/SierraWinchester
Summary: When Julie’s mom dies she turns to drinking, partying, and smoking to numb her pain. But what happens when Luke Patterson decides to get involved and try to help her? Can you fix a party girl’s broken heart?
Relationships: Alex & Bobby | Trevor Wilson & Carrie & Flynn & Julie & Luke & Nick & Reggie, Alex Mercer & Julie Molina & Luke Patterson & Reggie Peters, Bobby | Trevor Wilson & Alex Mercer & Luke Patterson & Reggie Peters, Julie Molina/Luke Patterson
Series: Alive!Phantoms AU [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2189799
Comments: 13
Kudos: 44





	1. Party Girl

Her dance moves had settled over the hours, even as her body had gotten looser. The alcohol had warmed her joints and drowned out her thoughts, the pain slipping into oblivion along with the lyrics of whatever song this was, hidden below the bass that shook her body. Julie had hands on her waist, lips on her neck, but she didn’t care much. Here, lost to the crowd and the sound and the drink, she didn’t have a worry in the world. 

A strong tug pulled her back and she whined, fluttering her eyes open as her drink sloshed over her mini dress. Everything was a brightly-colored blur but she managed to find two guys in front of her and two guys in the back, seemingly scaring off a fifth? 

She giggled, letting the bliss settle back into her, “Hi, guys. Want a dance?” She smiled and leaned towards the blond in front of her but he was quick to step out of her reach. Pouting she turned towards the dark haired boy in front of her, flashing him another enticing grin. 

“Molina.” Julie turned at the sound of her name, coming face to face with the other two boys she’d nearly forgotten about. One had his fists clenched and eyes sweeping the room while the other she recognized. 

“Luke!” She grinned, her lips feeling clumsy as they tried to find the right position, “Hi.”

Luke gave her a slight smile, but it never reached his eyes. “C’mon. Let’s get out of here, okay?” 

Julie pouted again, crossing her arms and spilling her drink more. “Oh, c’mon, Patterson. I’m having fun! Don’t ruin it.” She whined, glancing between all four boys again. “Come on, you’re the cool guy.”

Luke nodded and grabbed at her hand, making quick eye contact with the guy sweeping the room still before his eyes met hers again, “Let’s go to my place. Private party?”

Julie considered it but she eventually nodded. Luke’s place was nice when they’d been paired together last year for science, so why not? And a private party at least meant she could probably get to the drinks easier than in this crowd. 

Julie stumbled alongside the group until they reached a van parked around the block. Alex and Reggie, as they’d introduced themselves, helped her inside. She grinned and pressed up against Reggie’s side, giggling at him, the alcohol still burning bright through her veins. She felt on top of the world. 

It wasn’t a long drive before they stopped outside of Luke’s. Quiet as possible they all snuck into the basement from the back door and once they were settled on the couch the searcher dug out a blunt from his pocket. He lit it, took a deep hit, and passed it over to Julie. “Name’s Bobby.”

Julie took it from him, looking him up and down before taking a long pull. Barely nine months ago and she couldn’t have taken a single drag without coughing for at least twenty minutes. But now, after months of Julie spending all her free time smoking and drinking away the grief threatening to swallow her, she could hold the smoke in her lungs far past the point of burning. 

She passed the blunt on to Luke and settled into the couch, already feeling the pleasant high stretch through her limbs. “Mmmm.” She hummed, relaxing and smiling softly. “S’nice.”

“You won’t be saying that tomorrow.” Alex mumbled, passing on the blunt to Reggie now. 

She waved him off and let the high settle into her, let the pain wash away as it lapped at her feet. Another few hits and she’d forget the ache entirely. Another few hits and she’d be free for a little longer. 

******************

Julie woke with a groan, head pounding already, and her throat too dry to speak. She’d barely sat up when a water bottle and a couple aspirin were tossed into her hand. Blinking the haze away, she swallowed them down and met the eyes of her helper. Luke. 

“Hey, party girl. How ya feeling?” He asked, leaning back on the heels of his feet from where he was crouched. He didn’t look nearly as bad as she felt, but then again as far as she knew he’d only taken a few hits and not drank anything. 

“Like I got hit by a couple dozen buses. Thanks.” She nodded to the bottle and he waved off her thanks. “So...mind explaining why we wound up back here?”

Luke rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly, shifting to sit on his butt. “You weren’t safe there. The dude behind you...he’s got a bad rep. Seemed like he was willing to make good on it.” Luke shrugged, eyes down on the floor below him. 

Julie swallowed harshly and nodded a bit, gratitude sweeping through her. “Uh, thanks… All of you, I guess…” Julie couldn’t help it, though, she had to ask. “But why me? Why...why not just get someone else to stop it or just not worry?”

Luke actually looked someone pained at that, but he replied truthfully. “Because. Me and the boys have all been in your spot at one point or another… we all, uh, have made some pretty bad choices because we were hurting.” 

Luke sighed and met her eyes now, looking determined. “We’re not gonna let you drown. You don’t have to be our friends and you don’t have to like it...But we’re not going to let you get hurt, Julie. So the choice is simple. Party here with us...or we call your dad and the school counselor and get you some professional help.”

Julie felt the world shake beneath her feet and she watched Luke’s face for any sign of a bluff. Nothing. He meant it. Luke Patterson only knew her from a handful of classes and yet, here he was, willing to give up his free time and his friend’s free time to help her? To stop her from further self destructing? That seemed…. Julie shook her head. They’d get bored. They’d move on. They didn’t even know her. But maybe, for now, she could play along. It’d give her a more consistent place to be at, a good excuse for her dad, and maybe these guys could make it fun. 

“Fine… But on one condition.” She conceded. 

“Anything.” Luke promised, looking a bit astonished he’d convinced her this far. 

“You make me something for breakfast. I feel like shit.” 

Luke laughed and a genuine smile grew on his face, showing just how much of an echo his forced smile had been the night before, “Sure thing, party girl. One greasy, hangover cure coming right up.”


	2. Where Would You Be?

Julie smiled at the burning trail that went down her throat, the warmth hitting her belly and bursting outwards and through her skin. She’d tried to explain to her dad that grief, for her, felt like cold, like ice had formed in her bloodstream and each movement caused it to shatter and cut her up from the inside out. She’d tried to explain her internal hemorrhaging and the slow freezing and thawing of her already punctured heart, but her dad hadn’t understood. So, she’d found another way to melt the ice. 

Luke pulled the bottle from her grip and she whined, but allowed him to take it, her eyes glassy already. She’d built up a tolerance over the months, but she’d been drinking before she’d gotten here and so she was well on her way to being blackout. “Take a breather, Molina. You’re gonna chug the whole damn thing.”

Julie rolled her eyes and flopped back into the sand, watching dust puff up around her and sparkle in the moonlight. “You’re such a buzzkill, Patterson. I don’t even remember why I agreed to hang out with you.”

Luke hadn’t taken a sip, capping the bottle and placing it beside him in the sand, burying the base so it would stand upright. “‘Cause I’m hot? Oh, or maybe because I’m blackmailing you?”

Julie chuckled, eyes up on the stars that could just barely be seen through the veil of blackness. “Probably closer to that second thing.”

“Are you trying to say I’m not hot?” Luke asked with a mock offended tone, using his shoe to kick some sand towards her. 

She laughed and smirked, refusing to meet his gaze. “I mean….You’ve got that whole rocker boy look going for you. Too bad I’m not into that.”

“Everyone’s into the rock look.” Luke corrected and he laid down beside her now, the bottle still at their feet. 

They’d been doing this a lot since Luke and the gang stopped her at that party a month ago. Luke’s house was often the crash venue, but they rarely drank there. More often than not they wandered out to the beach, or sometimes to this treehouse that Luke had in his backyard. He’d done good on keeping their hangouts private, unless the other band members were there, and Julie was sort of amazed. Why was he trying so hard?

“So..” She started a few minutes later, when her buzz was fading some and she needed to talk to drown out the silence. “Where are the boys tonight? You’ve been hanging out with me a lot. They’re not sick of it yet?”

“Alex is at home, tucked up in his bed, like the rule follower he pretends to be. Reggie’s probably helping his siblings with homework or watching late night Westerns on his tv. Bobby’s….well Bobby could be honestly doing anything right now. He’s our wild card.”

Julie hummed, considering that information for a moment. She glanced towards Luke, studying him. He was laying on his back, hair curled down towards the sand, hands playing an imaginary guitar and his eyes were shut. “And you?”

Luke’s brow furrowed but he didn’t open his eyes. “And me?”

Julie nodded, turning to her side to better look at the guitarist next to her. “Yeah. What would you be doing if you weren’t here with me right now?” She felt the sting of the words she didn’t say on her tongue. ‘What would you be doing if you didn’t _have _to be with me right now?’__

__Luke blinked his eyes open, looking a bit startled at her closeness. He shifted so he could also turn and face her, the moon highlighting his features. “I’d probably be at home writing songs, working on things so we can start planning out a demo.”_ _

__Julie hated talking about music, but seeing as Luke spent all of his time breathing it, it was hard to get away from. And if she secretly liked doing it despite the ache in her chest, no one needed to know. “So you really think it’s going to work out?”_ _

__Luke shrugged, eyes on hers, “There’s no guarantees in life, but we’ve got a shot. We’re good together. We’ve got great songs and chemistry that’s unmatched. As long as we get our name out there then, yeah, I think we can make it.”_ _

__Julie’s eyes roamed his face, knowing he truly believed that. For some reason, she did, too. It was this gut feeling that someday Luke Patterson would be a household name. That everyone would sing his music and feel his passion in every note. She felt her old self unfurl in her chest, reaching towards that, reaching towards the dream she’d also once held._ _

__Lunging up, she grabbed the bottle from where it was buried, tossing the cap off and finishing a long swig before Luke had even managed to shake off the sand she’d flung. She could hear his sigh, but the burn and the warmth of the vodka slid into her and blanketed her in a fresh wave of calm._ _


	3. Endure

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Julie goes to spend a day off of school with Luke, but he’s not around. So she spends time with someone else.

The first day of the year that they had off had arrived with a screech and Julie knew she wouldn’t spend the day sober. She wasn’t failing her classes and spending time in school at least allowed her to not focus on her pain. But a whole day with no plans? Yeah, not happening. So she’d texted Luke. The response was to meet at Bobby’s place, which was odd, but what did she care?

She knocked on the door, fingers scratching at her arm, a bad tic she had picked up in the recent year. The door swung open but Luke wasn’t standing there. “Bobby?”

He rolled his eyes but stepped back so that he could allow his guest in. “Luke couldn’t come today. So you’ve got me.”

Julie ignored the slight stab of disappointment in her gut. Even in only the past month she spent most of her time with Luke exclusively and that’s what she got used to. It’s what she’d grown to prefer. 

Bobby seemed to notice this and he led her to the living room where he had some of those pre-made cocktails on the table and plenty of snacks. “Don’t worry, you’ll have fun. Luke told me you really like that show Brooklynn 99, so I bought the series. We’re gonna watch it and play drinking games until you pass out.”

Julie dropped her bag on the floor beside the couch, grabbing one of the drinks and a bowl of popcorn. “How did he know it was my favorite show?”

Bobby shrugged, flopping on to his seat, feet up on the leather couch. “No clue, kid. Just said it was.”

Julie frowned but she settled into her seat, sipping at her drink, wanting to take it slow today. She had no reason to rush. 

**************************  
It was halfway through the first season when Julie’s third drank ran out. She was feeling well and truly tipsy now. She glanced at Bobby, grinning.

Bobby chuckled, shaking his head, “Nope. I know that face. Luke has the same one.”

“What face?” She asked cheekily, sliding closer to Bobby now, hoping to convince him. 

“The ‘I-have-a-terrible-idea’ face.” Bobby replied, finishing off the beer he’d been nursing for the last two episodes. “It never ends well. It’s how we started a band.”

“And your band is really good.” Julie replied, hand falling on to Bobby’s shoulder. “C’mon. You don’t even know what my idea is yet.”

“And I don’t need to. Luke would kill me if I let you leave this house drunk.”

Julie’s face fell into a glare and she backed up, “First of all, I’m not drunk. Secondly, none of you are my keepers. You want to tell my dad? Fine. Whatever.” She stood, grabbing her bag and turning to leave. 

Bobby sighed and grabbed the girl’s wrist, “Sorry, sorry.. just..Tell me what your idea is.”

Julie wanted to argue, wanted to storm out and just end this dumb truce they’d all made. If they wanted to tell her dad they would. She’d just have to get sneakier or something. But...Julie was reminded that she actually did have fun hanging out with these boys. And that it was nice, to have people who hadn’t known her pre-mom. With a sigh she turned back to Bobby, “You have a hot tub.”

Bobby considered this for a long moment before he stood, “Alright. That’s not as bad as I thought. Sure. We can use it.”

Julie gave Bobby a slight smile and he responded with a mellow grin, heading to the back patio. He flipped on the hot tub and looked her up and down. “Will you be okay for five minutes?”

Julie rolled her eyes,”I’m a big girl. Think I can manage.”

Bobby shrugged and he headed inside. Julie grabbed a fresh drink and then she stripped down to her underwear and her bra, slipping into the hot tub. When the guitarist returned he paused, staring at her, a t-shirt in his hands. “Well….that works, too.”

Tugging off his own shirt, Bobby was now only wearing swim trunks. Julie set her drink down, eyes roaming every inch of Bobby’s skin. From shoulders down to his ankles there was only splotches of clean skin, the rest covered in various tattoos. 

“Damn. Didn’t take you for an ink junkie.” Julie’s voice was just above the sound of the jets, her eyes returning to Bobby’s. 

Bobby climbed into the tub, shrugging as he settled on the far wall. “Good way to get your anger out. Or your pain.”

Julie drifted forward, fingers tracing some seemingly random swirls on the swell of his bicep. “They hurt?”

“In the best way.” Bobby replied, looking at the one she was tracing. “Got that the first time my parents called to tell me they were going to miss our Sunset Curve gig.”

Julie glanced up at Bobby, seeming unsure now, but she looked back down. Finding a new one, a batch of bright colors marring what looked like a hot dog near Bobby’s elbow. “And this one?”

Bobby chuckled, leaning back and grabbing her drink and taking a swig since he hadn’t bothered to bring his own. Julie didn’t even remember to be mad. “Me and the boys did a really big gig last year and we were supposed to be playing for a whole group of execs and record producers. Remember that look Luke’s got? Yeah. He convinced us to eat some street dogs from the back of an Oldsmobile before the show. We all got such bad food poisoning we had to go to the hospital.”

Julie’s eyes widened and she looked up at the older boy in disbelief, “And you got that tattooed on you?”

Bobby chuckled and he smiled at her, all soft lines and calm waves, “We nearly died. Was a bit jarring.”

Julie shook her head, still not quite understanding. “But why tattoo that? Why would you want to remember that?”

Bobby shook his head, his fingers strolling his skin, touching each tattoo before settling on his wrist where a word was scrawled, looking so messy it was nearly unreadable. “I’m going to remember all the pain, anyway. I won’t just forget all the bad things in life. But by getting them tattooed on my skin I can at least make them beautiful. Make them mean something.”

Bobby uncovered the word, turning his wrist to let Julie see it better. “We all have our vices. We all have to go through the dark shit to get to the good waiting on the other side. This was my way of getting through the bad.”

Julie tore her eyes from Bobby, feeling like she was seeing an intimate and vulnerable part of the boy that she’d never expected to. Settling them on the word, it took a moment to figure out what it said, but when it did Julie felt a chill wash over her. **endure. ******


	4. Of Sunshine and Smoke Breaks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reggie and Julie are both having a rough time.

After her time with Bobby, Julie had spent the rest of the week holed up in her room, studying and trying not to think of the ink on Bobby’s skin. She had remembered what Luke had said, about each of them having their issues and finding ways to cope. It had become clear what Bobby’s was. 

The tattoos were gorgeous and Bobby seemed genuinely at peace with all that he’d been through to leave him so thoroughly covered in them. But it made Julie’s chest ache to a whole new rhythm. What had the other boys been through? And what was it that they really saw in her? (The question always repeated back, a small voice pitching the idea that Luke was the one who actually cared, but she always shot it down.)

After five days of ignoring them at school and not replying to texts she should have expected some sort of attack. Somehow, though, she was still surprised when it was Reggie who knocked on her front door on Saturday morning, all smiles and red cheeks. “Hey, Jules.”

She glanced him over, eyes searching him as if she could see deeper than his clothes, “Hi, Reggie…. What’s up?”

“Was wondering if you wanted to hang out today. Alex is with family this weekend and Bobby’s with his tattoo buddies. Luke’s out of town with his mom, too, so it’s just me.”

Julie hesitated, unsure. Bobby and her hanging out had been unsettling enough, making her ache and itch for an escape. There was something so gnawing about the physical visualization of his pain laid out on his skin. She had felt off-kilter since. “Uh, I...I don’t know, Reg…”

His eyes widened slightly and his grin dropped into a frown, eyebrows knitting together. “Oh, yeah, that’s okay.. You got plans already, I get it.”

But she didn’t and he looked so lost, like a kicked puppy. She groaned, swallowing back her unease. She’d probably feel better with something in her system anyways. That’s probably why she’d been so off since Bobby’s. Sighing, she called over her shoulder, “Dad, I’m going out with Reggie!”

His grin popped back up as she shut the door behind her and waved him forward. He’d brought the van and she climbed into the front, buckling her seatbelt as he settled into the drivers seat. “Where are we going?”

Reggie shrugged, pulling out of his spot and heading down the road. “Probably not far. We can hang out in the back and smoke.”

So not his house. Julie had realized early on they mostly stayed away from all the boys’ houses. She’d never seen Alex’s place and she’d barely even heard that Reggie had a house. Bobby’s was always open, and while she hung out with Luke most, they still tended to go public rather than to his. It made her wonder. But not enough to question. 

They pulled up to an empty parking lot near the beach and Reggie parked the car. Clambering into the back where the instruments usually were stored, he pulled out a blunt and lit in as she followed. He’d taken a deep pull before handing it to her. 

For the first couple minutes they sat in silence, soaking up the quiet and exhaling smoke in turns. But eventually Reggie spoke, ever the talker, “We were worried. Hadn’t heard from you in a few days.”

Julie shrugged, eyeing the blazing tip of the joint in her hand, watching it fade and brighten again and again. “I don’t always need to spend time with you guys.”

“You don’t seem to have any other friends.” Reggie pointed out casually.

“Alone time is a thing.” Julie gritted out, putting the joint to her lips and sucking deeply. 

“Alone time isn’t always a good thing. Especially not in your case.”

“In my case?”

Reggie shrugged at her outrage, fingers playing idly with the zipper on his jacket. “You self-destruct. It’s not a bad thing. Luke does it, too if he isn’t careful. Actually, we kind of all do.” Green eyes met brown, sincere. “I mean, Alex panics because he overthinks. Bobby’s skin crawls for another tattoo. Luke has to be moving or else and I’ve got to make noise.”

“Got to make noise?” Julie snorted. “That doesn’t sound very self destructive.”

“Well, I guess that part isn’t. Not really?” Reggie shrugged, seeming smaller now somehow, even though his tone and volume hadn’t changed. “I think the self-destructive part is what happens when I don’t make enough noise. It’s like I become invisible. I forget how to be me. I forget how to exist. I just push everyone away because sometime they’ll forget.”

Julie eyed him speculatively, handing the blunt over. The haze of smoke in the car didn’t shroud her view at all, but Reggie still seemed to noticeably shrink into the background. She could see it. Almost there in front of her, Reggie fading away, as if he’d never existed at all. 

Shaking her head and refocusing on Reggie, Julie spoke again, “I don’t think you’re forgettable, Reggie.”

He hummed, releasing the smoke through his nostrils, eyes turned towards the ceiling, “Maybe. Sometimes it feels that way. Somedays I’m not sure I exist at all.”

The words slipped out unregulated and it was clear how deeply Reggie believed them ans suddenly Julie felt worse. The high buzzing around her skull didn’t dissipate but it edged up against the hollowness in Reggie’s words and made her itch all over. Scratching at her arm, she looked away from Reggie, unsure what to say. 

After a few minutes of heavy silence, Reggie spoke again, voice still quiet and more serious than normal. “What’s it feel like?”

“Hmmm?” She hummed, eyes wandering back to the bassist who was suddenly looking right at her. 

“What does it feel like to know your parents care? To know that they love each other and would do anything for one another?” He asked, eyes probing and she swallowed involuntarily.

“It’s...It’s like a blanket. It’s warm and it’s safe. Because they love each other and they love you so much that there’s no room for fear. Everything else just gets...washed away. Diluted.” She shrugged, unsure if this was the answer he was looking for. This conversation had taken a very sudden turn. It was like Reggie had come to her for help and not to help her. Maybe...he had? 

Reggie finished off the roach, tossing the last of the embers into the ashtray at their feet. He nodded and sat up, coughing to clear his throat. “And the grief, the loss...it’s the opposite, isn’t it? All glacial winds and ice in your soul, freezing up your lungs and making you numb?”

How he had articulated it so well, and so spot on, Julie didn’t know. She’d never explained it to anyone but dad and Dr. Turner before, but somehow Reggie got it spot on. All she could do was nod. 

Reggie’s replying nod was quick, sure. “Yeah…” Suddenly he was moving back to the driver’s seat, turning the car on with a flick of the keys ignition. “I want to show you something.”

Julie stayed seated in the back, both of them needing the breathing room, and she wrapped her arms around her knees to wait. The car chugged along for maybe fifteen minutes before it stopped and Reggie got out, opening the back door for her. 

She pulled her hood up as she followed him, eyes glued to his set shoulders. He seemed tense, but determined. Reggie opened a door of some building and he waved her inside, but she waited for him to lead the way. 

Down a few halls and to a door on the left, Reggie dragged it open and walked inside. As soon as Julie stepped foot into the room she could see why they’d come here. The room was lively and bright, with pictures on the wall and animals roaming the room like they owned the place. 

Reggie dropped to his knees and was immediately knocked on to his butt by a large retriever, lapping at his face hurriedly. He was smiling immediately, hands buried into its golden fur. 

Julie stood awkwardly, looking around in awe. The room wasn’t huge but there were a handful of people milling around, petting the various cats and dogs or grabbing art supplies. She couldn’t help but ask, eyes drifting back to the boy on the floor, “What is this place?”

Reggie smiled, scratching at the dog’s chin as he looked up at her, “It’s actually a group home slash shelter for runaway kids. This is the art room, but they take in stray animals that the shelter can’t hold. They’re here to help the kids, like therapy animals, but they’re not trained.”

Julie had a million questions, mostly about how Reggie knew about this place, but she didn’t ask them. Instead, she hesitantly crouched down and offered her hand to the dog Reggie was loving on. It sniffed her hand and quickly deemed her a friend and toppled her over, too. 

Reggie laughed, a grin forming so wide on his face Julie was sure his cheeks would split, “Meet Skip. Don’t tell anyone, but he’s my favorite.”

Julie felt her own smile creep up as she ran her hand through the long fur. “Nice to meet you, Skip.”

After a couple minutes the dog bounded off and Reggie helped her to her feet, seeming a lot lighter than he had in the van. It was like his sunshine was back and she was grateful. Sad wasn’t a good look on him. He bounded over to the nearby tables and sat, quickly joining into two teens conversation about some volunteer, his hands grabbing markers and paper as they spoke. 

With a shrug, Julie sat beside her friend and grabbed her own paper. She didn’t have a design in mind, just absently doodling as she tried to keep up with the conversation and the quick topic changes. It was nice. Julie didn’t need to think here. She could just listen and feel the warmth of the room, the hominess of it seeping into her skin like sunlight. 

If when they left Julie felt warmer than she had in months and if her paper was littered with music notes and colorful splashes of yellow, who was to know?


	5. Secrets Revealed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Julie needs an escape but Luke wants her to ease up on the partying. A heated argument ensues and Julie uncovers Luke’s biggest secret.

Thankfully, the next night that Julie desperately needed a drink Luke was back. She’d had a long day filled with bad grades and a worried father and she was shivering as she paced her room. She had a small bottle of tequila stored in her closet, but she tried to keep it for emergencies like the nightmares that kept her up for days at a time. So, she’d called Luke. 

Even from upstairs she could hear the knock on the door and she grabbed her phone and raced down, but her dad beat her there. She groaned, scratching at her arm as she stepped down into the front room. She had wanted to escape quickly. 

“Luke, right? Julie’s been hanging out with you and your band quite a bit lately.” Ray stated, searching for the truth in Luke’s eyes. 

He smiled up at the adult, bouncing on the balls of his feet in the way he always did, “Yup! We mostly hang out at my place or the arcade. She watches us busk sometimes.”

Not exactly a lie. Julie had done it once but the second she’d heard them sing all the old memories of her mom flooded back and she’d finished off half a bottle of whiskey in the back of the van before the boys had returned. They hadn’t taken her back since and they’d all been careful to keep the radio low around her and to not sing too much in her presence. Luke was the only one who didn’t stop talking about music altogether. 

“Huh… Well, that’s good. I assume your parents know you two are hanging out?” Ray asked, clearly digging for details. Julie was out more often than she was home anymore and his concern was mounting. While she did fine on homework she’d backed away from Flynn and she’d shut herself off to her family. 

“Oh, yeah. They’re cool with it. Pretty sure they’re glad I hang out with someone other than the band, honestly.” Luke laughed, but Julie caught the stilted sound of it. 

Quickly, she stepped up and between the two, forcing a smile on to her face. “Hey, dad. I’m going out with Luke. Is that cool?”

“Going out?” He parroted, eyes widening a bit and she could feel her own mirror his as the words sunk in.

“No! No, no. That’s, no, that’s not what I meant!” She laughed awkwardly, panicked. “I meant we’re going out. Like to the arcade or whatever. Not that I’m dating him!”

Luke chuckled, smothering it against his hand. Ray looked between the two but he seemed to believe her. “Okay...Yeah, sure. Just be back by dinner tonight, okay?”

Julie nodded and all but dragged Luke out the door, cheeks a vibrant red. As soon as they had walked a block away Luke spoke, the cockiness seeping into his tone, “Would dating me be such a bad thing, party girl?”

Julie shoved him, frowning against the quirk of her lips, “It would be devastating, actually.”

“Ah, because of my devastating beauty.”

Julie rolled her eyes, managing to fully tamp down her smile this time, “More like because you’re one of the most annoying and stubborn people I’ve ever met.”

Luke fully laughed at that, head tossed back. “I think I have a pretty good idea what that’s like.” He grinned at her and she couldn’t help the smile that bubbled up this time. 

He grinned and she realized they were walking towards town, towards the arcades and restaurants. “Wait, are we actually going to an arcade, Patterson?”

“Yeah? Got a problem with it?”

“Uh, yeah. How am I meant to get drunk at an arcade? Sneaking sips isn’t fun and it’s an obvious place. They’ll be watching.”

Luke hummed, biting his lip to stop the smirk, but she could see it anyways. “Guess you’ll just have to not drink.”

Julie stopped, feet planted on the sidewalk and she glared at the guitarist when he turned. “That’s not our deal. Our deal is you won’t tell my dad if I stop going to parties. I stopped. I spend all my time with you and your band. You owe me.”

Luke rolled his eyes and his face hardened, “I don’t owe you anything, Molina. We all agreed to not tell if you came with us. But I didn’t agree to spend all my time with you wasted.” He crossed his arms over his chest, biceps flexing through his thin t-shirt, “You drink because you’re sad. You smoke and party to numb your pain. I get it, I do, but that doesn’t mean I can’t show you other ways to ease the grief.”

“There are no other ways.” Julie gritted out, crossing her own arms in a parody of his stance. “I tried therapy and I tried letting myself feel it. It didn’t help. It made me more depressed. Getting high and drunk takes away the pain. It makes it easier to get through the day.”

“Numbing yourself out only works for so long, Julie. Eventually it’ll stop working and you’ll have to face all the pain you ignored all at once. Look, I’m not a doctor, but I know what I’m talking about. Let me show you there are other ways to escape. Healthier ways.”

Julie rolled her eyes, fury rippling through her veins, “Listen here, rockstar, I don’t need another fucking therapist. I don’t need you to tell me whether I’m dealing with my grief in a healthy way or not. You don’t know what you’re talking about and I don’t need to listen to it.” Spinning on her heel, Julie turned to head back towards her house. She could probably make up some lie about why Luke ditched and her dad would take it. Or she could just go elsewhere and wait for night to fall. 

Luke sighed, but his voice was strained when he called out to her, “My brother’s dead.”

Julie whipped around, eyes wide as saucers and she felt her heart skip a few beats. “W-What?”

Luke shrugged, eyes dropping from her face to the ground below them, “You said I don’t know what I’m talking about? You’re wrong…. My brother died.”


	6. Andrew

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Luke explains the story of his brother.

Luke had walked them to a bench nearby, still mostly out of the way of the busier roads. They’d been quiet since his outburst and Julie wasn’t sure what to say. Sorry was never enough and while she had questions she wasn’t sure they were appropriate. 

After a few minutes, Luke spoke, voice quieter and more solemn than normal, “He died a month before your mom did. He was just about to be twenty..”

“Luke…” Julie started, not wanting him to talk about this if he didn’t have to. She knew how bad it felt and how much the grief stung.

The guitarist shook his head, glancing up at her with a watery smile. “No, you need to know that I do understand.”

He sighed and looked up at the sky, bracing himself for a moment before he began the story. “Andrew was my big brother. He is...was only two years older than me. He was the best big brother ever.” Luke smiled a bit at that, something wistful in his eyes. “Andrew never missed a single gig for Sunset Curve. He helped us raise the money to make our demo, actually. Andrew bought me my first guitar when I was eleven.”

Julie tried for a small smile, hand reaching out and squeezing Luke’s. Even in the month she’d spent time with him she’d seen how tactile he was. “He sounds great.”

“He was. Andrew made everyone happier and helped us all feel safe. Alex came out to him first, even before he told us. He gave Bobby his first tattoo and taught Reggie how to banjo. He was just a perfect big brother.”

Luke sighed, squeezing at Julie’s hand like it could ground him. “A year ago we were going to play at this club. It wasn’t a huge deal, but there were a few record execs around and Andrew was always good at hyping us up before we went. But he didn’t show. It was the first gig he’d ever missed, and that’s saying a lot because we played book clubs and kids birthday parties for a while.”

Both teens chuckled at that, sharing a small smile with each other. Rock and book clubs usually didn’t mix and it was a funny image to them both. Luke had paused and Julie was invested now, “Wanna continue?..”

Luke nodded, shaking his hair out of his eyes. “So, he didn’t come. I got upset and refused to go home because I didn’t want his excuses. I slept over Bobby’s and ignored my phone for the whole day… When I finally turned it on I had a voicemail from my mom. Andrew, uh…” He paused for a breath, eyes watering, “He’d gone to a college party before the gig. He’d had a bit too much to drink and when he’d left he had been heading towards the venue, trying to use alleys as shortcuts. I guess some guys found him and wanted his money.”

“Oh Luke…” Julie whispered, heart aching. Andrew had been drinking the night he died...It certainly gave a whole new meaning to the reason he and the band had decided to help her.

“I guess he fought back pretty hard. He always was a rowdy drunk. Anyways, uh, they got him pretty good. One of them had a knife. And because they’d stolen his wallet he didn’t have any ID on him… Mom had called the school and his friends and no one had seen him. So she called the hospitals. They had a John Doe with tattoos matching Andrew and her and dad rushed over.

“They said if they’d called ten minutes earlier they’d have seen him alive. If he’d been found earlier he might have even survived...but he lost too much blood and his heart gave out before they could get him in the OR… Mom called to tell me and she left it on voicemail..”

“That’s…” Julie cut herself off. It wasn’t fair. That wasn’t the way to share news. But Julie understood the shock of it all. Even having seen her mom’s death coming, nothing could have prepared her for the denial and the shock she spent two weeks living in. 

Luke shrugged, wiping at his eyes, voice cracking on the next few words, “I came home for the funeral and we fought. She didn’t blame me, not really, but Andrew had been walking through a bad part of town to come see me because I’d left him a whole bunch of angry messages about blowing off our gig… She already hated the band. Mom thinks it won’t get us anywhere..but Andrew’s death gave her a whole new reason to hate it.”

“Your band is really good, Luke…. Your songs are well written and all of you can sing and play so well… I’m sure Andrew would’ve been proud..and I know you’ll be great some day.”

Luke gave her a smile, genuine though still watered down with sadness. “Thanks, Jules..”

They were quiet for a bit, soaking in the sadness but also each other’s presence. The urge to drink had subsided and Julie suddenly felt bad for ever making Luke deal with her...But coping in other ways hadn’t worked. She wasn’t sure they ever would.

Eventually, Julie spoke, voice sincere and soft, “I’m sorry, Luke… for all of it. I’m sorry for Andrew. I’m sorry for your parents. I’m sorry for making you feel like you had to share that with me. I’m sorry for forcing you to spend time with me when drinking is such a touchy subject. I’m sorry you have to grieve because people do bad things.”

Luke smiled at her, his tears long dried though his eyes were still red, “I’m sorry for dumping that all on you. I just needed you to know...I understand. We all do. Me and the boys...we get it. And we just don’t want you to drown.”

“Thank you…” Julie whispered, eyes dropping to Luke’s lips before flicking back to his eyes. But he had to break the moment. “Why me?”

“Why you?” Luke asked, seemingly startled by the jump in conversation.

“Why me? There are plenty of other people hurting and grieving. Why me?”

Luke looked at her, searching her face for a long moment before he replied. “You’re something special, Jules.” It was clear he wanted to say more, but he didn’t, leaving Julie’s mind to fill in the thousands of blanks. 

They stayed, breathing each other’s breath and studying each other’s faces for another few long minutes. Julie felt this magnetic pull and she desperately wanted to lean into it, see where it would take her, but she couldn’t. She was already too attached to this boy… 

Clicking a smile into place, Julie pulled away, shattering the building tension in the air. “Alright, rockstar. You promised me an arcade and I’m pretty sure you owe me lunch now, too. So let’s go.”

Luke physically shook off the last of the moment, brightening his own face with a grin, he stood and took her hand, “I think I can manage that, party girl. Let’s go.”


End file.
